There is no doubt that for many people a { tattoo } on the body serves as some kind of marker--identity, gender, class, race, sexuality and so forth comes to mind, and that these markers have individual, cultural, even communal meaning. In a way, I think tattoos can point out how identities develop over a period of time--for instance, in tracing my friend Josh's tattoos from the first one of a cougar on the shin of his left leg which he had engraved as a teenager, to the ying/yang sign he now sports on his right arm which he had engraved recently, (there are others also) I could probably make some interesting guesses to his state of mind or his sense of self/identity from the first tattoo to his latest.

I could be wrong of course in my guestimations, but from all our discussions, I'm pretty sure I am on the right track in terms of having some insight into how he has evolved throughout his years.

A few years ago I myself had contemplated getting a tattoo but for the life of me I never could figure out which symbol/icon best represented me in my opinion, though I highly considered the Libra scales but also, I didn't want to do it just from the sheer fact that it could be fun and that other friends were getting into body art and either had tattoos or had decided to have their bodies tattooed. And then, there was the question of where on my body did I want this symbol of my identity etched-- did I want it stored away from prying eyes or out there for everyone to see--needless to say, in the end, I decided it just wasn't my thing.

Earrings and toerings were my thing and the more unusual the design as long as they were either silver, amber or black, the better, so I just stuck with that. But getting back to tattoos, this entry came about because of a strange one I saw while riding on the train yesterday. It may not be strange to you but I almost gasped when I saw it--cat paws treading across the upper portion of a girl's boobs. They weren't tiny cat's paws which I thought would perhaps have been more cute, but large (and I take back the word "treading" I used before, for TRAMPLING seems a better description) paws trampling across her chest. I was shocked! A couple of people snickered or just glared at her as if to say, "what the hell was she thinking!"

In any case, I just figured that to her, she conceived of the cat's paws as being to some degree representative of who she is--a feline maybe, someone who is territorial maybe... who knows. All in all, it's life and we're all in it for the experience. I was otherwise reminded by how life and people are fascinating, complex and entertaining.

Been having computer problems lately which I thought was fixed a few days ago but the problem persists. All kinds of errors occur whenever I would turn the 'puter on and provided that it loads windows successfully, the mouse cursor would go nuts and then the whole thing would freeze, at which time the 'puter would automatically turn itself off. Sigh! I've reconciled myself to the idea that I have to purchase a new one.

Currently, I'm using the notebook computer I purchased a couple of years ago. It was a welcome addition to the desktop and served me well at college where, instead of waiting on the line in the library for a computer to become available, or waiting for other available computers in the various computer rooms on campus, this notebook was a blessing. It's really small however, about the size of one of those black and white composition books and while it's useful for wordprocessing tasks, it's not really useful for browsing the internet. For instance, websites using CSS stylesheets are not rendered properly on screen and scrolling can become quite tedious.

Nevertheless, in the few days that I haven't been able to load windows and log on to the Internet from the comfort of my preferred desktop I've felt somewhat isolated. But it took this to make me realize how much a part of my life the computer has become. Of course, I knew that already but pretty much took it for granted. Last night a classmate of mine from college asked how I could stand it. "Just the idea of it sitting there and not working would drive me mad" she said.

It dawned on me that the computer seems to have an almost religious importance for many people. While some may groan about the drudgery of having to complete projects or assignments for work or school or having to log on to retrieve email and other such seemingly mundane tasks, seldom is there talk of the secret pleasure we feel at being able to just browse through our computers at random when the mood strikes or logging on to the Internet to feel a sense of connection to the Others out there. It's incomprehensible really. I can't really describe it, but it is as if the idea of being able to "log on" fulfills a need for ritual.

A professor once told me that after a hectic day, the most relaxing time for him was at nights just before bed when he would log on to MSNBC or the New York Times online with a cup of tea nearby and read the latest news, or just browse the Internet and see what was there.

Of course, an attachment to one's computer can be pathetic, but it's all in the way the user goes about it I think. For instance, a friend of mine had frequent quarrels with her boyfriend about his computer use. It was a sort of control issue--if they had a disagreement about something he would neglect her and sit at the computer for hours sometimes, just to irk her, and the silence which ensued would drive her nuts until she gave in and they reached some kind of truce--depending on what their disagreement was about in the first place.

More often though, I think in a way, the computer is a throwback to the times when we would wait days for the mail to arrive from the post office from a loved one. I mean, we may all be businesspeople or students or professors or whatever, but these days we can't shake the urge to check our email right away to retrieve the email someone sent us.

However we think about computers one thing is for sure. These days it is a simple necessity.

A somber day indeed. I watched the faces on the tube of all who gathered today at Ground Zero--ethnic groups from all walks of life. Flipping channels I came across similar faces from neighborhoods in every State around the country and also around the world. How politically incorrect I must be I thought to myself, as several times over I only wished to forget 9/11/01. But wishing it so and being granted that wish are two different things. Someone told me I'm in denial. Someone else told me it's understandable.

"Where do you think God was on that day?" (9/11/01) asks Jacob over at[ Fuzzy Blogic ]. We've heard variants of this question before--Where was God when it hurts? How could God let this happen? Is there really a God? Where was He? Where was your God? Where was my God? etc., and the answers too are as individually, ethnically and culturally diverse as the crowd gathered today at Ground Zero.

Having no satisfying answer of my own I've found the following words written by songwriter Bruce Deboer rather comforting: "I know where God was the morning of September 11, 2001 and He was very busy. He was busy trying to create obstacles for employees at the World Trade Center...After all, only around 20,000 were at the towers when the 1st jet hit. Since the buildings held over 50,000 workers this was a miracle in itself. How many of the people who were employed at the World Trade Center told the media that they were late for work or or they were stuck due to traffic delays.

He was holding up Two 110 story buildings so that 2/3 of the workers could get out. It was so amazing that the top of the towers didn't topple as the jets impacted. And when they did fall they fell inward. God didn't allow them to topple over as many more lives would have been lost.

And when the buildings did collapse God picked up thousands of His brave children and carried them home with Him...Reassuring His other frighten children that they were safely in His care.

He sat down and cried that 19 of His children could have so much hate in their hearts.

...So if anyone asks, where was your God on [9/11/2001]... you can say everywhere...And although this is without a doubt the worst thing I have seen in my life, I can see God's miracles in every bit of it...I can't imagine going through such a difficult time and not believing in God...Life would seem hopeless."