~AbanDoned X-preSsionz | Exploring Hypertext Journaling~ by Carla
Wednesday, 9. October 2002
Emmergence...

One beneficial effect of yoga is that it stills the body and soul. Such stillness tends to allow a person to open oneself...to feel, to listen, to love. It may or may not be the same for you, but it sure is a hell of a stimulant to begin the day. And then there's coffee. I've been practicing yoga for over five months. It began out of a curiosity that quickly became something I now find impossible to put off. Many months ago I awoke one day to find myself at the bottom of a deep, dark, valley. I had slipped into a depression I had never known before. My closest friends knew that something was not right long before I did. They warned me to mind myself when I had laid in bed for more than a week.

At the time, I thought I was just tired from studying too hard, working, trying to find a new apartment, raising my son, stressing out about paying the bills, about my family, college and life in general and when I finally lost the job I had, not that I hadn't seen it coming, I guess by then I had slipped so far in the valley I could not find my way out--I felt I had lost track of my purpose in life. In fact, I remember just wanting to stay there and being mad at my Friends who wanted to help; (you truly know who your friends are in times like these)who, in spite of my protests and initial resistance threw me the lifeline I desperately needed. I am incredibly grateful for the love and support they offered in the "valley" days.

As to yoga, that helped a lot too. I had began attending classes with Josh. It was a struggle at first to motivate myself but he would not let up. "You'll feel better, trust me" he would say. And so step-by-step I began to reclaim myself, my life's purpose through yoga. Each evening Josh would fetch me and we would go to classes at one of the borough centers.

One day, not long after I had begun the classes, it dawned on me that I had left the valley. I don't know the exact point when, but I suddenly realized that I was myself again; that my mind was once again harmonious and even more so than it had been in a long time. I've stopped attending the evening classes but yoga is an integral part of my morning routine just as much as a nice cup of vanilla flavored coffee is.

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