Been having computer problems lately which I thought was fixed a few days ago but the problem persists. All kinds of errors occur whenever I would turn the 'puter on and provided that it loads windows successfully, the mouse cursor would go nuts and then the whole thing would freeze, at which time the 'puter would automatically turn itself off. Sigh! I've reconciled myself to the idea that I have to purchase a new one.

Currently, I'm using the notebook computer I purchased a couple of years ago. It was a welcome addition to the desktop and served me well at college where, instead of waiting on the line in the library for a computer to become available, or waiting for other available computers in the various computer rooms on campus, this notebook was a blessing. It's really small however, about the size of one of those black and white composition books and while it's useful for wordprocessing tasks, it's not really useful for browsing the internet. For instance, websites using CSS stylesheets are not rendered properly on screen and scrolling can become quite tedious.

Nevertheless, in the few days that I haven't been able to load windows and log on to the Internet from the comfort of my preferred desktop I've felt somewhat isolated. But it took this to make me realize how much a part of my life the computer has become. Of course, I knew that already but pretty much took it for granted. Last night a classmate of mine from college asked how I could stand it. "Just the idea of it sitting there and not working would drive me mad" she said.

It dawned on me that the computer seems to have an almost religious importance for many people. While some may groan about the drudgery of having to complete projects or assignments for work or school or having to log on to retrieve email and other such seemingly mundane tasks, seldom is there talk of the secret pleasure we feel at being able to just browse through our computers at random when the mood strikes or logging on to the Internet to feel a sense of connection to the Others out there. It's incomprehensible really. I can't really describe it, but it is as if the idea of being able to "log on" fulfills a need for ritual.

A professor once told me that after a hectic day, the most relaxing time for him was at nights just before bed when he would log on to MSNBC or the New York Times online with a cup of tea nearby and read the latest news, or just browse the Internet and see what was there.

Of course, an attachment to one's computer can be pathetic, but it's all in the way the user goes about it I think. For instance, a friend of mine had frequent quarrels with her boyfriend about his computer use. It was a sort of control issue--if they had a disagreement about something he would neglect her and sit at the computer for hours sometimes, just to irk her, and the silence which ensued would drive her nuts until she gave in and they reached some kind of truce--depending on what their disagreement was about in the first place.

More often though, I think in a way, the computer is a throwback to the times when we would wait days for the mail to arrive from the post office from a loved one. I mean, we may all be businesspeople or students or professors or whatever, but these days we can't shake the urge to check our email right away to retrieve the email someone sent us.

However we think about computers one thing is for sure. These days it is a simple necessity.